Funny Hat

by Christopher D. Seifert


My, oh my, that’s quite a hat.

I’ve never seen a hat like that.

It flops atop your bulbous head

Just like a chicken that is dead.

Such fashion sense you do possess,

A paragon of manly dress.

It must have cost a princely sum.

Wherever did you get it from?

But wait, I think I see it now.

That’s not a hat above your brow.

Indeed, it’s hardly worth a shout.

It’s just your shirt pulled inside out.


© 2019.  All Rights Reserved.



by Christopher D. Seifert



Three men falling splat!

And who do you think they be?

The lawyer, the Speaker,

The slick used car dealer.

Parachutes failed, all three.


© 2017.  All Rights Reserved.



by Christopher D. Seifert


The yay is dung, the wound is grite.

A blizzard blew all new the thright.

There is so nool for us today.

Let’s all now shout a hig burray.

We’ll build a man that’s fen teet fall.

And fight a war with big bowsnalls.

Our sled will slide on hown the dill.

We’ll slide and slide and slide at will.

There’s thust one jing that you nust mow

First, I have to snovel the show.


© 2016.  All Rights Reserved.



by Christopher D. Seifert


Sometimes you win and sometimes you lose.

Sometimes you sing and sometimes you poos.

So always be happy and cheerful and kind –

Even when life goes and kicks your behind.

For he in defeat who stands gracious and tall

Of a truth can be said wins the biggest of all.


© 2017.  All Rights Reserved.


The Sneezer-Schnoz

by Christopher D. Seifert


Sneezer-schnoz, oh sneezer-schnoz

A sneezy schnoz to give one pause

That strains and blows and rains because

He will not cap his sneezer-schnoz.


Sneezer-schnoz, oh sneezer-schnoz

The sneeziest schnoz that truly woz;

He sprays the room and then guffaws

At the green-hue spew of the sneezer-schnoz.


Sneezer-schnoz, oh sneezer-schnoz

For him a hanky is faux pas,

So phlegm flies high to drop your jaws

From the sneeziest schnoz you ever saws.


© 2016.  All Rights Reserved.


O Captain! My Captain!

by Christopher D. Seifert


Captain Archer, he’s our man,

If he can’t fly it, no one can.

His voyage, though, was quite a bore.

The show got canned in Season Four.


James T. Kirk was one slick gent –

A lady’s man, that’s what I meant.

His mates were Spock and Doc McCoy.

To Enterprise, now ship ahoy!


Kathy Jane and her Mod Squad,

Poor castaways in Delta Quad.

They crossed Borg space at high warp speed,

“Earth or bust!” their buoyant creed.


Ben Sisko went to Terok Nor.

He wasn’t sure at all what for.

A wormhole flashed in his backyard;

That’s when his job got really hard.


Jean-Luc Picard, a true rock star,

The greatest captain yet by far.

He told his crew to, “Make it so.”

And spurred them on to boldly go.


Exult O moons, and ring O suns!

For I with hopeful tread,

Walk the bridge my captain runs,

No other in his stead!


© 2017.  All Rights Reserved.



by Christopher D. Seifert


My eyes, they water, then they bug.

My ribs all crackle, oh-so snug.

Lungs collapse and heartstrings tug.

You’re the champ of squeezer hugs.


© 2017.  All Rights Reserved.



by Christopher D. Seifert


Goblins, ghouls, and severed heads

Giant spiders in your bed

Witches, warlocks, spooky spells

Something wicked this way smells

Creepy attic filled with bats

Shrieking ghosts and three black cats

Skeletons dance in a row

Frankenstein’s alive, you know

Jack o’ lanterns shining bright

Full moon in the dark of night

Zombies, werewolves, vampires too

Watch out for that slimy goo

Haunted house on down the street

Monster with some hairy feet

Mummies, demons, so much more

Eyeballs roll across the floor

Rest assured, you need not fear

Night-night, Maren-child, my dear


© 2017.  All Rights Reserved.



by Christopher D. Seifert


My brain is better

Than everybody else’s.

Wanted you to know.


© 2017.  All Rights Reserved.


Bath Aftermath

by Christopher D. Seifert


Dry my ankles, dry my toes.

Dry my squeaky-leaky nose.

Dry my elbows, dry my hair.

Dry my gleaming derriere.

Dry my navel, dry I said!

Just please don’t make me go to bed.


© 2017.  All Rights Reserved.


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