I’ve decided to let my kids write my August blog post for me. Here are some of the best Seifert kid quotes we’ve collected over the years. Enjoy:
“A kiss means ‘I love you?’ Whoa! I didn’t even know that!” Strange but true.
“Daddy rhymes with money!” Imperfect rhyme though it is.
“My bum honked like a car! My bum is tricky!” Lay off the horn, will yah?
“This choking hazard is delicious!” Most of them are.
“I would kick him in the face! I can. I have legs. And I have feet.” Three year old dispute resolution.
“Mom, can I have another hot dog wrapped in a mattress?” Known in some corners as a pig in a blanket.
“What’s the point of having a house if we can’t even play in it?” Indeed.
“You’re probably the best mom I’ve ever had.” Probably.
“I know why Daddy wears a wedding ring. It’s so people don’t look at him and say, ‘Oooo, who is that handsome man?’” Yes, I’m spoken for.
“Don’t say that! You’ll make everyone embarrassed.” Because when your older sibling tells you your underwear is showing, everyone else’s embarrassment is foremost on your mind.
“See that little pickle right there? That’s where I’m headin’ for.” This is what’s known as purposeful hamburger consumption.
“I’m looking for an eraser! Erasers are not ubiquitous around here!” No. No, they’re definitely not.
“I accidentally ate it on purpose.” Another diet plan bites the dust.
“Kids just wanna do what they wanna do. Mama, you’ve just gotta learn more about that.” We must have Ph.D.’s in that by now.
“OK! Then you will just have to deal with screaming!” Is this what you call emotional blackmail?
“My hurt is footing.” That’s boo tad.
“They licked the bladder clean?” Nursery rhymes gone horribly wrong.
“I am so proud of myself for losing a tooth!” There’s a participation trophy for that.
“This was a little out-flated, so I inflated it.” Inflate-gate. Take that, Tom Brady!
“Can I have another drink of milk? My tongue is still spicing.” Milk. It does a spicing good.
“So, have you ever been to Hades before?” Casual mealtime conversation during our family’s first trip to the restaurant known as Hardees.
“I was thinking about how handsome men look, and I was thinking about Chris. … I was thinking about Chris. … You made a good choice. I need pictures of all the men in the world without beards and mustaches …” Sing it, girl! But you’re still not going on a date until you’re forty.
“Did you know that bees can fly up your nose holes?” Happens to the best of us.
Chris lives in Lincoln, Nebraska, with his wife, Sara, and their six young children. He enjoys stories by Ray Bradbury, starry night skies, and cherry limeade. Follow Chris on Twitter @seif_train or on Facebook @christopherdseifert.